


The fairytale of the apple-pie life

by Jenchantress_stories



Category: Supernatural
Genre: Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Hurt/Comfort, Mental Breakdown, Psychological Trauma
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-05-15
Updated: 2020-05-15
Packaged: 2021-03-03 04:01:28
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 2
Words: 4,476
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24198646
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Jenchantress_stories/pseuds/Jenchantress_stories
Summary: Dean should have known that Sam lied to him. His little brother would never abandon him for some random chick. Sam's story of his apple-pie life with Amelia sounded too good to be true.Alternative version to the season 8 Amelia story line: It turns out she was just a hallucination when Sam was unable to handle reality anymore.(Note: Garth only pops up twice, helping Dean gathering information behind Sam's back...)
Relationships: Dean Winchester & Sam Winchester
Comments: 14
Kudos: 43
Collections: Sam Winchester Prompt-a-thon





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

  * In response to a prompt by Anonymous in the [SamWinchester_Prompt_a_thon](https://archiveofourown.org/collections/SamWinchester_Prompt_a_thon) collection. 



> May 2020 - the locks of the lockdown slowly open up...
> 
> Writing this was tricky because I don't have much professional knowledge about traumas and psychosis, nevertheless I hope this one turned out well.

Sam was a grandmaster in keeping secrets, able to fool anyone around him, including their Dad or sometimes even Bobby. The only one who knew something was up was Dean. He had a sense for it and felt it when something was not quite right.

This is the reason Dean was genuinely furious at himself that he didn't see it earlier and utterly disappointed that his protective-brother-instinct let him down.

When Dean fought his way back into life after Purgatory, he was so excited to be reunited with Sam again. Thinking of Sam kept him fighting, knowing that his little brother is trying day and night to get him back as well until it turned out he didn't. 

Sam never looked for Dean. 

In hindsight, Dean was probably too exhausted and too shocked to see through Sam's lie. He knows his brother better than anyone, better than Sam knows himself, but for some reason unknown, Dean never questioned the story about the dog and the girl. 

But the Winchester brothers are inseparable, no matter what kind of shit happened, they find their way back to each other again.  
The night Dean got his first hint at the truth, Sam was out for a supply run. Usually that's Dean's task, but his head hurt just a little too bad to go out. He checked his duffel for some painkillers but they were all gone. 

His eyes fell on Sam's duffel. Usually, they keep their hands of each other's duffel, giving each other at least a small place for privacy, but on several passed occasions Dean took some underwear out of Sam's bag when his became “unwearable”.  
_”Sure he has some...”_ He mumbled to himself as he started to rummage around, finding a half-empty bottle of pills soon.  
_What the hell is that?_ The description said _Clozapine_ and Dean immediately knew that those were no painkillers at all. He searched a little more, but found nothing else. No aspirin, no ibuprofen or similar.

He hid the pills back in the duffel and got himself another drink to numb the throbbing pain in his head.

When Sam came back with bacon burgers, fries and a chicken salad, Dean was considering for a moment to ask about the pills he found, but dropped it. After all, those pills could be nothing. Maybe his brother got himself some infection and those were his treatment.  
_”I really hope this tastes good. They took forever to make it.”_ Sam suddenly said, pulling him out of his thoughts.  
_”It looks good. It smells good...”_ Dean takes a huge bite. _”... and it tastes good.”_ He adds, chewing on the greasy bread-meat-sauce-combination.  
Sam just smiled, shaking his head about it in an amused way. As far as Dean can see his brother is doing fine. 

The next day Dean had the chance to talk to some pharmacist when he got himself some new aspirin. The sweet lady behind the counter was in her 50ies and reacted well to his charm.  
_”So, I got a question. I found some pills at my friends place and wonder what those were.”_  
_”Okay, did you try asking him?”_  
_”No, because I'm not quite sure if he'd be honest about those. And before I make fuss about some pills against hay fever... you know?”_ She chuckled.  
_”I see, so... can you tell me the name.”_  
_”Yeah, it was called Colzapine or Clozapine...”_  
_”Clozapine... that's some heavy stuff.”_ The lady looked a little worried.  
_”Yeah? What is it for?”_ Dean himself now worried what kind of stuff his brother is throwing in.  
_”Well, it is a strong antipsychotic medication against various types of psychosis. Does your friend receive a professional treatment or is he in therapy?”_  
_”Uhm, honestly, I don't know...”_  
_”You should really go and check on your friend. But go easy, don't confront him that you know about these pills. He might be under severe stress already. A psychosis is nothing one should take easy.”_  
_”Yeah, thank you. I will see him soon...”_ Baffled about the news he just got, he left the pharmacy and went to meet Sam at a diner. 

On his way, Dean had to plan his next step. Confronting him was out of question, they just patched up their relationship.  
_What the fuck happened in that time, Sam. I thought you had an apple pie life. Why did you lie to me? And why did my dumb head not see that something wasn't right..._ He decided that he needed more information. His little brother was hiding something big.

* * *

While Sam had a shower, Dean checked the bottle again. _Sycamore Pharmacy – Kermit, TX_. He got a place and a name, but they were too far up north at the moment to drive there without raising Sam's suspicion and he can't do that kind of research on Sam's laptop for the same reason, so he phoned Garth.  
_”Hey, I need you help and Sam can't know about it.”_  
_”Dean, I'm happy to hear your voice and I can tell you right away that this is a dumb idea. Unless you plan a nice surprise for his birthday.”_  
_”Unfortunately no... I got a name and a place and I need you to check a possible connection between those two.”_  
_”Okay... shoot.”_  
_The name's Amelia Richardson and the place is Kermit, Texas. I need you to check if a woman with that name lives there and get me all the information about her that you can find.”_  
_”Well, if that doesn't sound fishy at all. I thought you are over that subject.”_  
_”Yeah, but I got a bad feeling that he hasn't been as honest as I thought he would.”_  
_”Dean, you know you two should talk about that. You need to open up. Both of you.”_  
_”Well, if you know us then you know that won't happen. So please, can you help me?”_  
_”Sure thing Dean. I'll let you know when I find something.”_

While Dean was waiting for Garth's answer, he and Sam tried solving a case. A nasty one where a witch cursed first-born girls in their twenties to sacrifice themselves for her. The witch escaped but the curse got broken. Dean kept a close eye on his brother, trying to figure out what he has missed. His physical appearance is still they same. No new major scars or anything. His behaviour is the same as well except that Sam seemed to feel utterly guilty about not looking for his brother. 

It was easy to see that Sam was disappointed that he didn't bring Dean back. It was eating him the first weeks when they got reunited. Driving on a road through Illinois, Dean eventually gave in to the urge to ask at least a few questions.  
_”Hey Sam, I know you left her, but still... what kind of chick was Amelia?”_  
_”Why do you want to know? I thought we're over that.”_  
_”Yeah, but I'm still a little curious. I never met her, so, what was she like?”_  
_”Uhm, well... she was kind, you know... A lot of sympathy about everything... which was really helpful... because...”_  
Dean waited for Sam to continue, watching him pulling awkwardly at the hem of his shirt.  
_”Everything...”_ It was barely a whisper. Dean tried to see his face, but it was too dark already.

 _”But still, you didn't...?”_  
_”Dean, I'm... I just couldn't... I don't know...”_ Sam's breath started hitching, suddenly he sounded very stressed, at the brink of panic.  
_”Sammy, hey! It's okay, it's in the past. We both moved on. I didn't mean to upset you, okay? You hear me?”_  
It took a while, but Sam calmed down again and Dean just hoped for Garth contacting him soon. 

After six long days, Dean finally got a message on his phone: _Call me when it suits you._ It took Dean another two hours until it “suited” him. He left Sam at the motel while he walked down the road to a good-looking food truck that they've seen earlier.  
_”Hey, Dean, how are you?”_  
_”Well, it depends on your information.”_  
_”Okay, then it's hard to tell. I'll get you the facts straight. There's no Amelia Richardson in Kermit, Texas. There are two Amelias in Texas, but one is 85 and the other is 12, so no love material here.”_  
Another crack in Sam's story.

 _”Huh... maybe elsewhere?”_  
_”There are 6 Amelia Richardson in the US. One is 46 and lives in Alaska, one is 76 in Utah, another one is 74 in Arkansas, one is 6 years old and lives in New York, another one is 21 and currently studying abroad and the last one is 34, living in Arizona.”_ Of course Garth did a thorough job. He's not the type of guy who does things in a half-hearted way.  
_”Did you check the last one?”_  
_”Yeah, she's married and has two kids as well as three cats. I went to see her and I honestly believe she has never met Sam.”_  
Dean took a long breath in. Sam's story was completely falling apart. 

_”Dean? You're still with me?”_ Garth asked since he didn't get an audible reaction from Dean.  
_”Yeah, I'm still here. I just don't get it? Why did he lie to me? He knew I'd be pissed if...”_  
_”I got something else for you. At least I got an idea where Sam has spent about three weeks when you were gone.”_  
_”Where?”_ Dean would take any hint he could get. Anything to solve the massive puzzle unfolding in front of him.  
_”Are you sure you want to know?”_

Dean suddenly felt panic rising because of the change in Garth's voice. It is unsettling when a cheerful man like Garth sounds genuinely worried.

 _”Garth...”_ Dean's voice was stern, nearly threatening.  
_”Okay, okay... uhm, Sam has been a patient in Kermit. At the Sacred Heart Hospital Psychiatric Ward.”_

Dean went silent for a while. Why would Sam lie about being a patient? But then it hit him.  
_”Hold on! Psychiatric ward?”_  
_”Yeah. I'm sorry Dean...”_  
_”Are you sure?”_  
_”I got his file, but I didn't read it. I didn't dare. It says Sam on the first page and there's a photo and a few data about height and weight and stuff... It's him, Dean.”_

For quite a while Dean went silent again and Garth just waited for him to work through this new disclosure.  
_”Can we meet somewhere so you can hand me the file?”_  
_”Sure, anytime, Dean. Where are you right now?”_

They found a place and time to meet the next evening. Dean felt a little sorry for Garth, since it's a long diversion for him, but he needed this information about Sam as soon as possible.

Dean bought some sandwiches for dinner. Back at the motel, Sam was sitting at his laptop.  
_”Here, I got us dinner.”_  
_”Perfect, I'm with you in a second.”_  
He kept looking at his little brother, until he got annoyed:  
_”Dude, what's going on? Is there something on my face?”_  
_”No! No, nothing... just... are you feeling okay?”_  
_”Yeah, why do you ask?”_  
_”Because, uhm... my stomach hurts a little and I, uhm, I was wondering what might be the reason...”_  
_”You're probably hungry. It's been a long day.”_  
_”Yeah, you're probably right.”_

Sam was baffled when Dean simply agreed with him, but Dean decided it's better to stop talking now before he slips.

* * *

The next day, they left the motel behind and headed down south. With no case lined up, Dean didn't need to come up with some reason for choosing this direction. Sam settled into the seat beside his brother and they drove like they always did. 

During their ride, the sun was shining and a rock station gave them some good classics. Many of them carrying memories. Kansas' - 'Dust in the wind' was playing when Sam suddenly laughed. _”Remember when we were kids and we sang_ All we are is ducks in the wind? and Dad was so irritated!”  
Dean remembered and laughed as well. Sam was in a good mood and Dean was happy to see that. The passed weeks were crap, but the two of them on the road like this – good times.  
If it wasn't for that peculiar lie.

It was easy for Dean to pretend this was just another ride down the road. Driving the car while listening to music makes it easy to pretend everything's fine, even though he's fucking nervous.  
Unbeknownst to Sam, their destination was a small gas station in Arkansas, where Dean stopped to “take a leak” while his brother stayed inside the car. 

Garth was waiting for him behind the building, looking partly happy to meet Dean, partly unhappy because of the envelope in his hand.  
_”Hey Dean, good to see you. How's Sam?”_  
_”He's doing fine on the outside...”_ Garth smiled with sympathy since he kind of got the idea what Dean was talking about.  
_”So, here it is. Like I said, I didn't read it. I don't think this is something I should know unless Sam tells me, so...”_ He handed him the envelope. It was thin and light.  
_”Thanks Garth. If there's anything you need...”_  
_”Well, one more thing. I talked to the hospital's staff and apparently, Sam escaped two days after they had a major breakthrough in his treatment.”_  
Dean sighed, shaking his head.  
_”Don't worry. He came out fine, it seems.”_  
_”Yeah, he seemed fine when I came back from Hell and he seemed fine with the wall inside his head smashed in...”_  
_”Let me knew if you need anything else okay?”_  
_”Sure. See you around.”_

Garth tapped Dean's shoulder and walked away. Hiding the folder in his jacket, Dean went back to his car with a little detour to the shop for drinks and snacks. They left the gas station behind and got back on the road. 

Unfortunately, he had to wait again until he had some time alone to read it. Something inside of him didn't mind waiting, but something else wanted to know right now.


	2. I can't go on without you

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The heart-breaking truth and the big question: Why did you lie to me?

Dean doesn't want to read it. He needs to read it. 

Leaving his brother behind again to “get a drink”, Dean found himself in a small café with the folder and a hot cup of coffee in front of him. 

_”Okay, here we go.”_

**Page 1**  
The photo jumped into his eyes. It was Sam, that was undeniable, but he looked like he hadn't eaten in weeks. His hair was messy, his eyes unfocused, maybe sedated? A soft five o’clock shadow on his chin and small cuts from shaving. There was a cut on his left eyebrow and a bruise on his lower lip, but no other evidence of violence, at least on his face.

>   
>  **Name:** ~~unknown~~ Sam (?) (probably fake)  
>  **Address:** Unknown  
>  **DOB:** Unknown, age estimated about late twenties / early thirties
> 
> **Height:** 6.4f  
>  **Weight:** 209lb  
>  **Hair:** colour: Brown  
>  **Eyes:** Green, brown, grey mix
> 
> **Notes:** a black tattoo on his left chest, several scars all over his body varying age, signs of severe injuries in the past, malnourished, blood test showed a high level of alcohol and a variation of pain medication. 
> 
> **Person in charge:** Dr Brown 

Dean started reading and with every paragraph and his heart broke a little more.

About two month after Dean's disappearance, Sam had a violent break down and was brought to the psychiatric ward of a hospital in Kermit, Texas. He was in a bad condition and temporary fed via tube while detoxing him.

Dean remembered Sam's time with Ruby. She got him away from the alcohol and drugs, but led him straight to the demon blood. The same self-destructive tendency, but this time, he ended in a hospital.

> The first few days, there were only two conditions:  
> 
> 
> 1\. Sam would yell and thrash, demanding to be discharged, since he had to _Save Dean_.

  
He stopped reading for a moment. Of course Sam wouldn't abandon his brother. He should have faith in him after all, if just a little. But he fell for the lie. That ridiculous lie. But why lying in the first place? 

> 2\. Sam was calm and friendly, talking to a lady that would later turn out to be Amelia. They talked about books and dogs, sometimes food or her family. The same conversations again and again. If Amelia ever existed was doubted by the doctor. He assumed that she only existed in his imagination, but why he created her is unknown.

  
Sam was completely off the rails and had no one to take care of him. He used to be angry that Sam didn't look for him, now he was angry at himself for not being back earlier. If he had broke down somewhere else... Dean suddenly felt very sick. 

> But in both cases they were unable to communicate with him. He was either too aggressive or everyone else simply didn't exist. But after a few days, he started to eat and drink during his calm episodes. The food was placed in front of him and cut into pieces, edible with a spoon. His right wrist was on a longer chain, so he was able to eat by himself. He was still caught in his hallucination but at least he physically recovered.
> 
> His aggressive episodes became calmer after ten days. The doctor assume he started to understand the situation, but Sam still refused to give much information. He stopped attacking the staff but kept yelling for “Dean “during nightmares. 
> 
> After nearly three weeks, Sam was able to distinguish between hallucination and reality. He was also willing to explain Amelia. He never met a woman with the name Amelia, but she kind of resembled a friendly secretary at his university. He didn't tell which university, but during his first weeks a Mrs Richardson supported him and helped him sorting stuff, finding the right lectures and similar things. He has no idea about her actual first name.
> 
> The only information they got about Dean was that he is Sam's brother. 
> 
> On day 23, he escaped. He was able to open the cuffs with a paperclip and slipped out, taking his anti-psychotic pills along. Since then his location is unknown.

A lot of emotions were colliding inside Dean. He was worried about Sam, feeling guilty for taking so long to come back and angry about the lie. The biggest question was: how to handle the new information? Confront Sam? Acting like nothing happened because they are doing fine right now and this could start another big argument?

Dean finished his cup of cold coffee and went back to the motel. 

Sam was sitting with his laptop on the bed, searching for a new case.  
_”Found anything?”_  
_”Maybe something in sunny Arizona. I'm just gathering information...”_ Sam's eyes were glued to the screen. Looking at his brother's appearance, there wasn't a single trace of a break down or malnutrition.  
Dean knew he has to talk about it. This is too big to ignore it.

_”Sam, can I ask you something?”_  
_”Sure.”_  
_”Amelia... what does she look like?”_  
_”Uhm... why do you want to know?”_  
_”Just curious. You have a photo?”_  
_”No, sorry...”_

Sam was looking at his laptop again, looking uncomfortable now.  
_”Sam...”_ Dean was sitting down on the opposite bed, closer to his brother.  
It was obvious that some awkward conversation is coming. Sam just wanted to get up and leave, but waited patiently for the inevitable moment.

Since he wasn't able to find the right words, Dean simply pulled out the file from his jacket and threw it in his brother's lap.

_”What is this?”_  
_”You tell me.”_

Sam took the folder and opened it. The first page was enough to understand what Dean was trying to talk about. All the lies and all the anger were for nothing.

_”How did you find out?”_ Sam asked with a quiet voice.  
_”I was looking for some painkillers in your bag but found anti-psychotic drugs instead.”_  
_”How often did I tell you NOT to touch my stuff?”_  
_”I know and I'm sorry and you can get pissed at me BIG TIME after this, but first I need to know what happened! Why did you lie and told me you left me behind for a fucking chick?”_

Sam was shaking his head, feeling called out. He doesn't want to talk about this, but Dean won't let him go until he did.  
_”Seriously Sam, tell me what happened. Why did you end up half-dead in a hospital that's days away from Bobby's hut? I was FURIOUS when you told me about your apple-pie-life! Just... I need to understand. So, please, tell me what happened.”_

_”Okay... “_ Sam took a moment, breathing, sorting words.  
_”When you disappeared, I had no one, absolutely no one to turn to. No Castiel, no Crowley, no one....”_  
_”And Garth?”_  
_”He's a nice dude, but I really wasn't in the mood...”_  
Weirdly, Dean kind of understood. Garth is a special kind of man, but one with a good heart after all.  
_”Of course I started searching for clues. I read all books just for a hint of information, but it was all so frustrating. I knew you were in a bad place and I was praying every second that you were still alive but I had no idea and with every day that passed I felt worse._

Sam was taking a deep breath in and Dean waited quietly for him to continue.  
_”It was driving me insane. And it hurt so bad, Dean...”_ Tears were coming up his eyes as he slowly broke.  
_”I drank and took all kinds of pills just to keep going. I knew I was wasting away but I didn't care. I crossed the country to gather more information and at some point, I lost it. There are several weeks I have no recollection of. At some point, I just...”_  
Another break.  
_“Until one day, I just woke up in that hospital, surrounded by new faces and cuffed to the bed. As soon as my mind felt clear, I got away. I had wasted too much time already.”_

Now Sam looked at Dean, who's worried eyes never left him.  
_”What happened after that?”_ He asked with a quiet voice.  
_”I knew I had to be more careful. I can't save you when I'm dead. So I settled at a different hut with different lore and started researching again.”_

But suddenly, there was a little smile on Sam's face.

_”The dog wasn't a lie. I found a stray dog, named him Riot. He was running around the area where I went for supplies and … it sounds stupid but he kind of help me eating more regularly. I didn't take him along, but I gave him food and spent some time with him whenever I saw him. And since I wanted to feed him regularly, I went to the store regularly.”_  
_”So, at least some part was true.”_ Dean smiled a little.  
_”A few weeks before you came back I read that there's a door for humans to escape Purgatory. I came back here in case you'd return and tried to find that door myself, but you came back before I found it.”_  
_”So you DID look for me... “_  
Dean got up, taking a few steps. The hospital file gave him an idea where this story would head to but hearing it from Sam himself felt different.

_”But then, why did you lie to me in the first place? I mean all the fights between us, so many of them were unnecessary...”_

Sam hesitated a moment. Dean knew this is not easy to him.

_”I was so ashamed. I still am.”_ A tear was running down his face.  
_”You were gone I was unable to handle it, Dean... I was falling apart... so stupid and weak. You were gone and there was NOTHING, absolutely nothing I could do about it. It was exactly the same like a few years ago, when you were in Hell... Same stupid mistakes. I failed Dean, I just failed. And in the end, it wasn't even me who got you out...”_ More tears fell when he added with a low, broken voice:  
_”I rather had you thinking I was selfish than weak and broken.”_

Dean nodded as he took more aimless steps inside the room. It felt all so stupid. They were silent, except for a few quiet sniffs from Sam. 

_”In Purgatory, I already told you, I had to keep fighting. Monsters from everywhere. I had to be aware of my surroundings 24/7. I was so tired. I just wanted to sleep but I kept fighting, Sammy. I kept fighting because I knew you were looking for me. I knew you were out there fighting for me. But then I came back and you told me about that woman... I should have known that you were lying, but... I don't know why I didn't doubt your story. Not even for a second.”_  
Dean thought about it for a moment.  
_”Maybe I was a little proud of you for getting out. Despite my frustration, I always thought you could do it, because I couldn't...”_

Sam was quiet. He stopped crying, head hanging low. Guilt and shame were still heavy on his shoulders. Dean went to Sam, crouching beside Sam to see his face.  
_”But I got back and I am right here, so please listen: You can not disappoint me, Sammy. You hear me? Yeah, I was pissed at you before, we had our fights and I didn't always agree, but whatever you did, you tried to do good.”_

Sam didn't react, but Dean saw new tears glistering in his eyes.  
_”I was a mess after Lucifer took you. It only looked like a happy life on the outside, but I was just an empty shell, so I get you. I know what you mean...”_ Dean took a short break before he continued:  
_”And after all the shit we've been through, we always chose each other. We are both still here together. You and me Sammy, come whatever.”_  
Now Sam looked into Dean's eyes, finding the warm, caring brother of his right beside him. Sam pushed his laptop aside and gave Dean a hug, wrapping his arms tight around him. Dean fell back on his butt and Sam was now hanging half in bed, half on Dean, but the older one held him tight, one hand in his soft hair. 

Sam was closing his eyes, helplessly trying to stop crying while Dean tenderly stroked his head. They both felt so dumb about the passed month, but after all, they are back together now. 

It felt like fixing broken pieces back together again. After such a long time, they finally felt home again. Safe and sheltered. 

It was the same lesson all over again: The only way they can exist is together.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you so much for reading this. ♥ 
> 
> I hope that the person, who created this prompt, is happy with the result as well. Big hugs! ♥


End file.
